My Marriage Woes

The truth finally has to come out. This is the most burning topic in my house. My cousin is getting married next month; this means I am next in line for the Spanish inquisition. My mother is one of those people who panics even for the smallest of things, so you can imagine her situation when everyone is asking "When is your daughter getting married? She is getting too old, you won’t find suitable boys if you don’t hurry up". Now that my brother is safely ensconced in the USA for foreseeable future, both my parents have shifted their attention to their only daughter.

This is the only topic of discussion at my place. How will be buy enough gold? When will you learn to stop spending too much? How will we ever find a guy who is going to bear you and your laziness? Start cooking or you are going to repent later. So, even though I am an IIT-IIM graduate I am no different. I am not being high minded or anything its just sad, that's all. You work your ass off for 25 years to become this person and all of a sudden you need someone else to define who you are.

You know most of the people who have read this post up until this point have already judged me. They think that I am going through this post break up phase where I want to show every one that I can be independent and be happy. Some of them think that I am one of those women who are emotionally distant and career oriented. Why I can’t be just happy with my career for now. I am not saying that I want to be this way for ever why do I have to go through this whole circus right now?

I was at my grandparents place for a week where I had to meet all my relatives after five years. They don’t even ask me about my job, my life; there is just one question on everyone’s mind. I had to come up with some story every single time and try to change the topic of discussion. There was this friend of my uncle (note that he is not related to me) lectured me for half an hour that I am hurting my parents by being this way and that I should think about them in their old age with all their problems. (He was pretty good at it; he made me eat my own words when I tried to argue with him)

I had to get some Pujas done because of my Kundali. Some random thing that my mother believes in so I had to go to the temple for two days where there are a bunch of pundits chant for a while and then well presto everything is going to be all right. Even there while they were chanting you know what they were saying every five minutes "seeghrameva kalyana prapti rastu". The universe is conspiring against me or something.

All this while I thought if I give her impossible conditions for a groom, my mother would be happily searching and I could live guilt free in the meantime. Never underestimate the power of your parents when it comes to these things. They are better than private eyes when it comes to sniffing around prospective grooms. My mom took exactly two months to come with a candidate who matches my criteria. This time around I worked a little harder and added a few more caveats. I am getting hold of the game.

All this while I was ambivalent towards arranged marriage. I had no objections; to each his own. With this whole drama of my cousin's wedding I am beginning to see things in a different light.  I notice all those things that go into converting a match into a wedding. It’s not easy. The whole process sucks literally. I know I am making fun of the whole system but seriously! The nitty gritty details that you have to take care so that you don’t hurt anybody's feelings. OMG so much drama! The clothes, the jewelery, the gifts, the actual ceremony and all the million things that are attached to it; I neither have the patience nor the enthusiasm to jump through all these hoops.

My uncle was searching for a groom for my cousin for the past two years. Our family is not so rich but we are well educated and settled. He thought it would be a pretty easy process. But with all the conditions my cousin came up with it took him literally two years to find the right guy who fulfills all the characteristics she wanted (which I should specify had nothing to do with the guy and his likes/dislikes. It's all about the family and his profession). Now, the guy whom my cousin is going to marry, she met him once when they came to see her. They talked about their future plans you know the house-with-the-white-picket-fence and kids-playing-around and they realized they had similar views. Presto one day later it’s all decided they are perfect for each other.

Don’t you think this process is so criminally unjust? You are marrying off two people who had a similar idea about their future. I thought of traveling Europe before I am 30 and there is this guy who wants to do the same thing does that mean we are made for each other? I am not saying what my uncle did is wrong but this how the system works. And people are happy as long as it is working no matter how many people are suffering from these matches.

You know what the problem with us Indians is, we are complacent. If we have a problem we voice our concerns to our friends and lament about it but never do anything to rectify it. For e.g., if we had a bad road situation near our house we complain about it to every other person we meet, we shout and curse but we will never do the right thing and go drop in a letter to the authorities about it. Now imagine a bigger problem. You are a woman who is for the lack of a better word defined by her better half. If she is unhappy with the situation what can she do? Nothing, absolutely nothing, she can complain to her parents, who will lend an ear but, will say nothing to alleviate the problem but that is it!

There is no perfect solution. Our society has made these so called rules and we have to stick with them come what may. If you want to say to hell with it, it will take you years of fighting with your parents, the crying, and the emotional trauma. Sometimes you just want to give it up.  Let’s see what the future holds..

I am sorry that you guys had to read this post but I am currently at my cousin's place and sleep eludes me. I cant not write this blog because this whole business has become so ugly right now I am trying because this is sort of a catharsis for me. Maybe if I write those thing down I will if not stop not think about them because I have my new life calling. I am going to join next monday. I ll be far far away from this madness.

Wish me luck! Fingers crossed hope that this week will pass soon :)